So my partner of many years (10+) and I finally decided to get married.
We decided it almost exactly one year ago while hiking around in the great smokey mountains.
We then told everyone that we were planning a wedding and then something happened, I got pregnant.
Increasingly all of my wedding concerns dissolved into concerns about how to be an awesome mom, a solid partner, and still keep my head about me, care about the world, the cats, art and craft.... etc...
As my gears shifted some other people's gears did not. I was faced with some individuals in my life perpetually wondering if I was going to this wedding show or that wedding show, what silver I would like at my wedding, what kind of dress I should wear, what about a caterer, what about a baby sitter for the wedding because our baby might disrupt the ceremony (!!!!).
In the face of a wedding my opinion has always been, "oh, cool let's have a picnic and go swimming!". As it turns out many other people expect a little bit more and because of this pressure whole affair stopped making sense to me.
As we are "expecting" there was also the question of will you have the wedding before the baby? How will we let all the relatives know in time? Party? No Party?
In the end we decided together that a simple little city hall ceremony would do the trick.
I went in and got a licence and booked a date and we told no one until the day before when I sent out a little note to some friends in the Toronto area asking if anyone could be a witness for our wedding.
Ten or eleven friends came out, we had a short little ceremony and proceeded to go out for nachos and champagne.
It was actually perfect.
I found my dress for 16$ at a thrift shop, made my own hair piece, did my own hair and makeup.
Voila, the easiest thing looked so good!
Not only that but the whole day felt good too.
I discovered why it felt so good as I spoke to my pals about it at the pub.
Several of them are married couples who's weddings I've attended and they each expressed to me how they love the way we chose to do it. Not only was it so completely "Us", but that the day was so unhindered by the out of control bizzaro wedding pressure/ wedding culture. We didn't need any of it and thus were free from the superficial ideas that seem to dislodge the actual meaning behind a wedding in the first place.
This realization is something I always knew but needed the experience to reinforce. It was a moment not unlike watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" EVERY Christmas just to be certain you get the vibe of love and family right. Now that we have had the experience I can honestly tell you all that a real wedding has nothing in the world to do with all that hustle and fuss. The hustle and fuss is for those with spare money and time and something other than love to prove.
My next challenge however is attached to a wee little promise we made to host some kind of reception where the family gets to celebrate..... After the baby is good and strong.
I am working on a way to share what I have just learned with everyone in the form of some kind of celebration.......... I was thinking of a quilting bee potluck keg party where people get together and share.
We'll see if that goes over.